"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
