My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
