what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
