My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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