Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
