That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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