Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
