....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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