Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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