this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
