3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
