he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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