you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
