you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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