thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
