I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
