I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
