I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
