Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
