I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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