Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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