We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
