even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
