what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
