i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
