I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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