im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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