he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
