I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
