My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
