Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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