I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
