Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
