so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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