Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
