I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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