I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
