This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
