i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want you more than these girls want KFC
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
