i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
