your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
