And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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