and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
