Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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