The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
