i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Houston, we have a blender
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
