i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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