I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
