the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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