I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
