When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
